Shut the Fuck Up

Everyone “knows” that the worst thing that can happen to a parent is to lose a child. That is true. Everyone knows how destructive it is, yet some people, the loud minority, believe that they know what the right grieving period is, or what should happen during it. I find it appalling that anyone could believe that, after 5 or 6 months, one should begin to “get over it.”


Most of us carried the child longer than that. May we please mourn at least as long as we grew that child in our bodies? I think that is only fair.


I think you sharing your asinine opinions needs to stop completely.


If you know how to do this . . .  finding my 26-year-old child’s dead body on the floor . . . better than I do, please take it over. I would prefer to watch you than listen to your stupidity. In fact, I think it would be entertaining to watch how you deal with it because of your cruelty. Do you have a heart?


This isn’t ignorance. It isn’t someone trying to do what is right and “help you through it.”  This isn’t even stupidity. It is cruelty. It is brutality. It is a vicious assault on a helpless person. It is inhumane.


This is why my friends at work barred anyone from speaking to me about it at all. If I had something to say about it, I would do so. It was to keep people from doing and saying stupid things that would make me flip and verbally attack them. I can be horrendously cruel when I am angry.  My real friends knew what to do, and, as time has gone on, I have been able to talk about it a little at a time with them.


Then there are the people, who, after being told to leave me alone and not touch me, manhandled me because I didn’t really know what I needed. I needed affection. No, and not from someone I detest.


Someone actually asked me if he shot himself.


When I posted it on Facebook, where it would get to the people I hadn’t told face-to-face, I asked that there be no emoji or comments, and everyone did as I asked. I didn’t want to see a line of comments that all said the same thing. I know you feel sorry for us. Those who are moved to do so will give us all their prayers. I didn’t want to hear about it. Do it.


Did I want thoughts and prayers? Sure. We needed help and love and support. Saying “thoughts and prayers” does absolutely nothing.


Nikki had stood there with Zach and me as most of the horror had gone on. Then she drove me down to Salem to tell his older brother, who was like his twin, that his brother was dead. She stood there as he was bent over screaming and screaming and screaming. Who could possibly have given more? It is something that has probably scarred her for life, too. She is part of us. Becky made us tons of food and found out where we were and brought it to us. Her heart came with it. She ran a fundraiser to help us with expenses. She didn’t give only thoughts and prayers, although I am sure they were done. She helped us. She did it because she loved Chris and Zach. Kelsey and Karen brought food for after the service to feed the people who came. My friends from work came. Some of them surprised me completely.


People who loved Chris came. Strangers who felt moved to come after hearing about it also came. They had had similar losses. One lady even said that my son’s cat looked exactly like her son’s cat. I had left pictures at the back for anyone who wanted one and Jasmin was there because he loved her more than anyone else.


The minister said words which have made a difference to all of the people there. He truly has God standing with him. He didn’t know Chris, but he had seen what had killed him. He explained it to others. He told them to recognize that they need help, to believe that it was there, and to grab it while they could. Not simply to turn to God to solve all of their problems, but to get help where they could find it. God is in those things. They are there for you. You are loved.


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